6 Ways to Make Your First Date With an Amputee Your Last

I don’t know about you, but I think first dates often make for great party stories. And if you throw a disability into the mix, the awkward things people say increase tenfold. Since Valentine’s Day is less than a month away, and maybe you’re going on your first date with someone who has an amputation, here are some things that would probably be better for you not to say… well, unless you want to be the laughing stock at their next social gathering.

  1. ‘No offence, but this is probably your first date ever, right?’

Ummm, have you looked at how awesome I am? Do you really think you’re doing your social service for the week by taking me out? Quit assuming I haven’t dated before just because I’m wearing prosthetic legs.

2. ‘No offence, but I’m going to ask a slightly awkward question… Do you keep your prosthetic legs on while having an intimate relationship?’

Oh boy, looks like you missed the class on Discretion 101. Don’t people normally talk about hobbies or their favorite movies on first dates? To your credit, you did realize that this was an awkward question. However, you’d probably have found out the answer if only you’d kept your mouth shut for just a little longer.

3. ‘No offence, but can you just tell me if you can feel this?’ *Touches prosthetic leg*

Ummm. Seeing as how you understand that it would be inappropriate for you to touch any part of my body without my permission, it’s slightly weird that you think it is okay to touch this one. No thank you!

4. ‘No offence, but could you show it to me? I want to see the mechanics of the thing.’

Hello. My face is up here. My idea of the perfect first date does not involve me rolling up one pant leg, my date kneeling beside me, and then flicking the socket of my prosthetic leg. Thanks for remarking on its quality, but the other guests at the restaurant are staring and wondering what is going on. Wow!!

5. ‘No offence, but can you run and play sports and stuff?’

I don’t know if you’ve heard about it, but there’s this whole sporting event called the Paralympics. The athletes with prosthetic limbs ‘run and play sports and stuff.’ Personally, I run marathons. Can you, though?

6. . ‘No offence, but you’re really inspirational. I wish I could do half as much as you. After all, what’s my excuse?’

Excuse me? Here I am, trying to live my life as normally as I can, and you force me onto a pedestal and make me your inspiration? Please – I’m not here to inspire you. All I wanted tonight was some delicious steak and maybe a goodnight kiss.

Sorry. This is where I make my exit, boy. Bye, and please don’t call me again. And for goodness sake, stop starting all your sentences with ‘no offence’! 😉

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